about moving. . .
the first few months were a blur, school and autistic boy #2 kept me distracted with new, exciting things. but after school and relationships ended and i spent a weekend with my cali friends, things got really hard. i felt like my little "dental office" rut just moved to another state- but without my friends, social network and 15k of my salary. i miss you; i miss all of you.
a few weeks ago my parents were in town for my niece's wedding in addition to familial rejuvenation i got a father's blessing. in the blessing he said, "Heavenly Father is acutely aware of your anxiety." I hadn't really identified my feelings as anxiety, but that was/is totally it- "am i making a huge mistake," "wtf am i doing with my future?" "why am i doing the same things i was 10 years ago?" "had i known i was going to be single at 29 i would've made different plans" etc. . hearing my roommates' anxiety about dating/marriage helped in that i didn't feel alone but also perpetuated my discontentment. but then something amazing happened. . . (standby by another cliche). . . i went to institute and the lesson was for me. We discussed the saint's exodus from Nauvoo, i didn't know that they left in 3 waves across the plains. Since they were going to different states at different times, they made a "Nauvoo Covenant" that was indirectly poignant to me. They promised to do everything they could to "stand by and assist each other to the utmost of our abilities in removing from this state." and that by so doing they would realize the promise: “If you will be faithful to your covenant, I will now prophesy that the great God will shower down means upon this people, to accomplish it [the resolution] to the very letter.” The last wave to leave was the poorest, the weakest and faced the most struggles; but they also saw the most miracles.
So being the nerd i am, i applied their physical trial to our spiritual trials that come with being older and single (aka, never leaving the state we entered freshman year of college.) If you think about the temple, we cannot progress until we all can progress together. There is a reason we are all here and i think that if we focus on helping each other through the good and the bad we will all prosper and see miracles. While waiting for God to send quail I can at least be a little bit happier by helping other and NOT hyper-focusing on anxiety.When i made this connection, it gave me hope, faith and purpose in my decision to move. I began to see how the Lord is using my anxiety-filled-self as a small instrument here. My roommates each came to me last week and told me how much they enjoyed having me here, and that i had made a positive difference in their lives. My sister-in-law told me how grateful she was that i could be here to help support my brother and be a good influence for her kids. This gives me comfort that not only is Heavenly Father "acutely aware" of me, but of others trying to reach another state of progression also. Do you feel like you are reading a New Era article yet? (I probably wouldn't have even read this far.) So now there is at least purpose among the anxiety. But i'm open to suggestions about my future.
here is the link to info about the Missouri and Nauvoo Covenants.
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